Monday, October 5, 2009

Meteorology School

What do they do there? Really...I'm asking. Does anybody know? They must just get smashed for years, because they don't have to learn anything. Well, they have to learn how to look like they know what they are doing in front of a green screen. I don't imagine that lesson takes more than a few hours. That leaves many years to master one's "keg stand form".

This is my summary of a forecast from our local news last week:
There is a sixty percent chance of rain on Thursday. This could go up or down. It could be just a scattered shower, or it could rain all day.

What?That doesn't mean anything. I means that: A. It could rain all day long B. It could be totally sunny, and not rain. C. There could be a random storm at any time.
I think that covers everything, except for snow. I'm surprised they didn't throw a 2% chance of snow in there just to be sure they had covered every possible weather incident.

Here is my weekly forecast. It applies to everyone, no matter where you live. Don't waste your time watching the weather.

This week the temps will be between -30 and 102 degrees Fahrenheit. It will be partly cloudy, or mostly sunny. There is a 5% chance of snow, which will increase to 100% if you see white stuff falling from the sky. Hail and sleet are possible, but not guaranteed. There is a 30% chance of rain, but that could go up or down. uhhh....keep your eyes peeled for tornadoes....there is a 1.5% chance your house will be torn from it's foundation and dumped atop the local Wal-mart.

I think KFOR should just put me on their payroll. I can do the weather. I just proved it.


Allison said...

I smell a new career! Are you sure you don't live in Wisconsin? What you just described is like everyday here!

Misha said...

My fiance always says that being a weather person is the perfect job. You can be wrong all the time and you never get fired.

Me said...

lol thanks! Now I don't have to bother googling it. You sound like a fortune teller.

You are going to die within the next 1-70 years. Good things will happen, but so will bad.