Saturday, June 16, 2012

Interview with Some Hounds

In spite of my husband calling me crazy, I have scheduled a phone appointment with a pet communicator. This is something that I have wanted to do for some time, but didn't really have the money to throw at such a frivolity. Since I have gone back to work, and I spend ninety eight cents of every dollar on Gunther's snack tab, I decided it was time to put a few cents towards something for ME. I personally know people who have used this particular animal communicator, and have had really amazing results. I am quite positive it's not a scam, despite what my husband says. I guess the proof will come after I have had my actual appointment, so we'll see.

This particular communicator is able to talk to animals both living and dead. She requested a photo of each animal to whom I plan to "speak", as well as some basic information about them (sex, age). I know, I know....she could potentially infer a lot of info from these pictures and fool me into thinking she's communicating with my dogs. I'm not going to believe anything she says because she knows we live in the country, and we have a brown couch, mmmmkay? I have an ounce of skepticism, but I am open to the experience.

  I have four animals on my list: my three living dogs, as well as a dog who passed about six years ago, Clyde. I have a limited amount of time for my session, so I need to manage it efficiently. I am in the process of listing questions that I have for each animal, starting with the most important stuff, and working my way down. Jules, my eleven year old coonhound mutt is the star of my interview, because, well.....because she is the smartest, I've had her the longest, and I feel like I can harvest the most information from her. I would like to know if she has any pain, or any issues that I could help her with, since she is an older dog. She seems incredibly healthy, but I want to know that she feels healthy too. Also, I think Jules will be my key in telling me exactly what went on with the recent wave of death at the farm. She tends to stay outside and "guard" the premises at night, while my two male dogs are snoring in their own puddle of slobber. Her knowledge of what has happened in the past few months is much more complete than any other being on the farm... I'm pretty sure.

When it comes to my communication with my seven year old, obese bluetick coonhound, Dan, I don't expect any earth-shaking revelations. I mainly want him to tell me if he has any physical ailments, or pain that we could help him with, and if there are things we could do to make his life better. I feel like he acts out a lot, and it's due to boredom. I am going to politely ask that he refrain from eating garbage, and stealing food from the kitchen counter....well stealing food in general. I want to thank him for being so tolerant of my children, who like to use him as a jungle gym.

I really don't know what to expect from Kaiser, our ten month old English mastiff. I want to apologize for our long days of absence. I wouldn't have adopted him if I knew that I would go back to work, and he'd be left alone so often. He's such a social dog, and I feel bad that we aren't around to keep him company. I want him to know that I am striving to be home more. My request of Kaiser is that he stop trying to use my bedroom window as a door. He has broken a couple screens already. It was funny at first, but now not so much. Also, it'd be nice if he could refrain from moving shoes around. The boys have approximately eight shoes with missing mates, and I love spending fifteen minutes looking for my second flip flop just so I can take out the trash.

Clyde is last on my list. He's a bluetick coonhound that we lost very suddenly to bloat several years ago. I hope that the pet communicator can somehow converse with him, as she claims to be able to do. My only question for him is if he comes around us still. I think he does. Also, I just want him to know that I love him tons, and I think about him every day. I have his collar around his urn, and I cry every time I have to dust it. The specific jingle of those tags just makes me think of him. I'd be so happy if I could simply say "hi".

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Naughty Boys

Sometimes I wonder. I really do wonder what goes through my three, and almost five year old's heads. The other day they threw their lunch into the fan. This crime occured while I was busy with customers at the store, and they were in their playroom. Opportunists. When I asked who did it, fingers pointed in oppposite directions. I'm guessing the three and a half year old started it, but it looked fun so my almost five year old joined in. The picture does no justice. I had actually started cleaning up when I took the picture. The noodle mess, however, was more than that little dirt devil could handle. Pretty sure I'll be finding dried up noodles stuck to the wall for months. I didn't kill them. I am pretty sure that I deserve some sort of parenting award for not even hitting them.