Sunday, February 22, 2009

Diaper Chump

Diaper Champ Pictures, Images and Photos

At my baby shower for my first son I received a "Diaper Champ", which is basically a glorified receptacle for dirty diapers. It is useful. It seals up, keeps the smellies away, and prevents the dogs and toddler from accessing its contents. When Barrett was first born, a week and a half would go by before I even needed to think about emptying it. Lately the thing fills up in about....oh, three hours (give or take ten minutes). I cram as many diapers in there as possible. I lift the lid, do some shoving and make room for more. I always know, in the back of my head, that I am only making it harder on myself for when I really do have to empty the thing.

Why do I put this chore off? Well, we don't have trash service like you city-slickers are accustomed to. No magic truck arrives to carry off our nasties. Nope. We must either: A. burn our trash (Nothing burns like a diaper fire. Those things sizzle for days), or B. My husband drives our garbage around in his work truck until he disposes of it in a dumpster at work. You could call it a company perk. Anyway, there is not always a handy place for me to transport the contents to.

By the time I have decided that I must empty the thing, it is bad news. It's like birthing a giant, soppy, plastic bag from a narrow, plastic birth canal. I have to turn the thing on its side and coax the bag of diapers out. The trash bag typically weighs about forty pounds....and I am barely exaggerating. It's physically draining and the whole time I am fearing the worst: a tear in the bag.

Jason had the nerve to ask me a question while I was battling the diaper champ this morning.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm emptying the damn diaper thingy." I said, through my teeth.
He was in the other room, and he was inquiring what I was doing, so that he could ask me to do something else. I walked past him, with my 50 pound bag of soaked diapers.
"Don't ever ask me a question while I am doing that. If you had ever done that once, then you would know not to talk to me while I'm doing that."
"Oh, I have emptied that before." He replied.

Yes, he emptied it once while I was in the hospital after having our second son. I chose to let the converstaion end, so that I didn't stab him right then.

After some thought, I have realized that we don't need a "Diaper Champ", we need an industrial dumpster. I could fashion a shoot from the window, so that the diapers just slid out to the waiting receptacle in the yard. We don't have neighbors to complain about such a monstrocity. Why not? Some fat guy named Louie could come in his truck and pick it up once a...uh.....every three days.
dumpster Pictures, Images and Photos


Nicole said...


Mine is full, too, and desperately waiting to get emptied.

daniel newell said...

Do they really sizzle for day��